Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Tampon Trouble -- is it contagious?

Once again I've proven that I suck at following my own advice.

When the Company Bitch told us about the bizarre tampon she received from a co-worker, I commented that I always have tampons in every bag I own, to avoid just such a debacle.

Except, of course, for today, when I apparently arrived at work carrying the one tampon-free bag that I own.

So I popped down to Duane Reade on my lunch break, grabbed a box of my trusty OBs, and was back in the office before you could say "fell off the roof." (Seriously, my 10th grade health teacher--who must have been, like, a thousand years old--told us that that was a euphemism they used in her day... WTF?!? The two don't have anything remotely in common!! Other than the fact that they both make you bleed... oh...)

Now, thanks to the joys of Seasonale, I only get my period 4 times a year, and it's fairly light, so it's been quite some time since I had to purchase tampons. So imagine my surprise as I hunkered down in the bathroom and read the following words emblazoned on the cellophane:


I'm sorry... but professional what?

Are there professional tampon-inserters out there that I've never heard of? And exactly how rich and/or lazy do you have to be to hire one? Or are you saying that this tampon is for professional insertion only, and if so, how do I know if I've received adequate training?

In the end I believe the "pro comfort" refers to the fact that OB tampons are now sheathed in a thin layer of some perforated, plastic-like substance--thought what exactly is "professional" about that, I couldn't say. I suppose it's meant to ease insertion, but really, I'm just worried that it will make it prone to slide out!

Too graphic? Sorry...

Still, all of this begs the question: are we so consumed with technological advancement that even femenine hygeine products aren't safe? I mean, I'm all for improving the performance of my computer, or sports car, or cell phone service; but for the love of god man, leave my tampons alone!

No comments: