Notes. Mostly About Boys

I should be in bed right now.

A few minutes ago I was digging around in my underwear/lingerie drawer looking for a nightgown and accidentally grabbed a little number from Frederick's of Hollywood that I'd completely forgotten I owned, so of course I tried it on. This led to giving myself a private fashion show of all the sexy little things in my drawer and let me tell you, there are a lot of them... roughly 90% of which (maybe more) have never been seen by anyone's eyes but mine.

I'm hoping to change that.

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I absolutely adore Frederick's for fun, sexy, inexpensive lingerie (and everyday cotton undies that are far cuter than Fruit of the Loom), but I hate the fact that once you order from them, you are put on the mailing list for every purveyor of slutty clothing known to man.

My landlords are the only ones with keys to the mailbox, so they bring in and sort the mail.

I worry they think I'm a stripper.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

No, The Bad Date doesn't think we've been dating all this time. That weird email was a combination of his not-so-humorous sense of humor, and a passive-aggressive dig at me for ignoring him.

Oh yeah, clearly, I'm missing out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Russian Who Never Called seems to genuinely feel bad about being a Non-Caller. Looks like this was a case of a sheep in jerk's clothing. Or something. Whatever, I'm not losing sleep over it (not that I ever did).

Besides, he had bad teeth and the early signs of a bald spot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The English Ex has split up with his fiancee, poor guy. Granted, he's a bit of a fuckwit and considered leaving her last year when he developed a crush on some other girl, but he got over it. I can only imagine how much it must suck to be on the receiving end of a blow you nearly dealt yourself.

Interestingly, in the past this also would have excited some little piece of my brain that would think "Hey! He might be on another continent, but he's available again! There's a chance that..." But not this time. I'm not sure whether it's the cumulative effect of years of being his relationship counselor via MSN and seeing that he's kindof an emotional fuckwit with ALL girls--not just me--or the fact that I am slightly less single than usual.

Perhaps it's a combination of the two.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somewhere around this time yesterday (my sleep patterns are all sorts of screwed up right now, yet another side effect of unemployment) I bit the bullet and emailed The Contender to see if he wanted to come over for dinner on Valentine's day. This morning he wrote back saying that I'd beaten him to the punch and he was going to suggest more or less the same thing, only him cooking for me. (Insert collective "Awww" here. Go on. I'll wait.)

So, I'm making him dinner on Saturday and I need suggestions! Dessert is already covered, as there's something I've been looking for an excuse to try for ages (and I can take the remainder to the Lovely A's birthday party the following day), but I'm trying to figure out what to make for the actual meal.

There are several things I am particularly good at, some of which (a whole chicken, a roast beef) are perhaps a bit extravagant. However, Lasagna (or anything Italian, really), some sort of stuffed chicken breast or pork chop, or comfort food like meat loaf and homemade mac n cheese, I am also pretty damned good with.

So the question: Comfort food, or culinary prowess? Which skill do I flaunt?

Cast your vote in the comments. I'm off to attempt sleep. Wish me luck!

Gender-me?

No idea how this website works, but it analyzes blogs and attempts to determine whether they are written by a man or a woman by somehow comparing the writing to a control-group of male and female authored blogs.

So I decided to give the ol' Frying Pan a look-see. The result?

"We guess http://das-frog.blogspot.com is written by a woman (58%), however it's quite gender neutral."

Nice, I rather like being gender-neutral.

Hmmm... I wonder what it has to say about the girliest blog I read?

"We think http://winnipegprincess.blogspot.com/ is written by a man (64%)."

Wow, okay, that was not what I was expecting... Either Princess of the Universe is keeping something from us, or their algorithm could use a little tweaking. I'm guessing it's the latter.

Okay, how about a blog actually written by a man?

"We have strong indicators that http://redactedblog.blogspot.com is written by a man (94%)."

Dan will be relieved.

Peter, on the other hand, appears to be in trouble.

"We guess http://peterdewolf.wordpress.com is written by a woman (56%), however it's quite gender neutral."

[Pause while Froggy feeds address after address into the machine, looking for a solidly female response to mirror the 94% male given to Dan]

I am perplexed. The highest certainty of female authorship I could encounter from my blog roll was Molly, coming in at 71%, followed closely by Deutlich at 68%.

But many of my other bloggy ladies showed up with startlingly high percentage certainty of being male... so either there's a whole lot of fakery going on out there, or this algorithm is decidedly warped.

I'm guessing it's the algorithm, as I've met Ashley, and she is most certainly not a man, despite this website's 78% percent certainty that she is.

So what is it that constitutes "masculine" writing? A good vocabulary and grasp of basic grammar? Is that why so many of my girls are getting labeled as boys?

This whole thing just has me a bit confused. Go check it out yourself. What does a stranger's algorithm say about you?

More Reasons Men Should Be Lining Up At My Door...

As we all muddle our way through the day, dealing with post-election depression (it's sort of like post-partum depression, only without being responsible for an infant), I thought I would provide you all with a little fluff to brighten your day (and whet your appetite).

Behold!  Further evidence that my continuing singleness is absolutely criminal.

Exhibit A
Homemade Kaiser Rolls.



Not bad considering they were my first attempt.

Exhibit B
Homemade Bagels


Proof that I actually did it myself.



Um, hello?  Who wouldn't want to wake up to fresh bagels on a Sunday without having to leave the house?

Exhibit C
Homemade Pizza



I've been making pizza at least once a week, sometimes more, as I continue my search for the ultimate crust recipe.

Exhibit D
Herbed Chicken with Roasted Savory Sweet Potatoes

 

A.) Sweet potatoes are a million times better when made with herbs and spices vs. sugar and marshmallows; and

B.) It's moderately depressing eating a rockin' meal like this alone while watching Bones on your DVR.

Exhibit E
Pumpkin Ravioli... FROM SCRATCH!!

Seriously. From.  SCRATCH.

Does this one even require further justification as an illustration of my awesomeness?  No?  Good.

Exhibit F
Behold... My Halloween costume:



Okay, okay, so it's not food... but only, like, 3 people actually got to see my costume on Halloween, so I felt the need to share. Especially considering that if I keep eating all of this fabulous food by myself, I'll never fit into that costume again!

I'm the smiley face :)

And so here I sit, basking in the smell of the two ginormous loaves of Italian bread currently baking in my oven, and contemplating what I will do with the leftovers after cooking an entire chicken just for myself.

Expect another installment in this series before the week is out.

Saturday, in (more) pictures

Well I've just read several dozen pages of Queer Theory and really? My brain hurts. It's a good thing someone told me I'm supposed to be conflicted about my gender, or I could have gone on for years thinking everything was fine!

Phew, dodged a bullet on that one, eh?

[/sarcasm]

Right then. Well, since several of you asked how the cooking went (and we all know what happens when I'm left alone with food and a digital camera) I thought I'd round out the evening with a little pictorial.

Ahem....

(This was actually lunch.)

Let it be known henceforth that I absolutely loathe mayonaise, and was therefore distraught that it is a prime ingredient in deviled eggs because they always look so darned tasty! So this was my experiment in mayo-free deviled eggs. It wasn't bad, but the recipe still needs some tweaking.

I've named them Fairy Eggs. Because, you know, Angel Eggs seemed far too silly.

For the record, those multi-sized green prep bowls = possibly my best kitchen investment EVER... even though they were ridiculously overpriced for 5 pieces of plastic.

Clockwise from top: Whole-wheat olive bread, made from scratch and almost entirely organic (excellent suggestion DS!); sliced fresh basil; garlic; minced italian flat-leaf parsley; freshly roasted red pepper (which is a pain in the ass to do when your broiler shuts off every 3 minutes for unknown reasons); and skinned vine tomatoes. The little one in the middle that looks empty is lemon juice, fresh squeezed of course.

This enormous enameled cast iron skillet weighs a ton and every time I dry it I'm worried that I'll drop it on my foot and cause extensive damage. However, I absolutely love cooking in it, so I suppose it all balances out.

Oh, and that's a hand-turned wooden spatula, courtesy of my father. It's okay to be jealous.

There was absolutely no reason to put it in a bowl other than that I wanted to see it looking pretty. Yes, I dirtied a dish for a photo op.

Voila! An almost-entirely from scratch (I don't have a pasta maker... yet), almost entirely organic (the juice of half a non-organic lemon and some non-organic olive oil--thanks to the accident--in the salad dressing), thoroughly tasty dinner!

The stemless wine tumbler was a Christmas gift from my boss--and is totally awesome.

(Try as I might, I couldn't un-darken this photo without totally screwing up the resolution. Any Photoshop savvy-er individuals wanna offer up some advice?)


And now I'm off for another glass of wine and then bed. Six hours of class tomorrow, lucky me!

Happy Weekend!

I gotta tell ya, there's nothing quite like a sex dream where you Just. Can't. Get Off. to start the morning off on the wrong foot. I mean, come on! It's bad enough being sexually frustrated in real life... must my subconscious get in on the game as well?

And now here I am, somehow losing 10 minutes in the middle of the morning making me once again late for work (seriously, I haven't stepped out of that elevator on time in well over a month), or getting down a flight and a half of stairs before realizing I left something important in my apartment, and then dancing up and down at the top of the final flight, deciding whether or not it's really important enough to go back upstairs.

Ever try to walk through a subway turnstile without swiping your card?

Yeah, did that too. And stood there, surprised and confused, for several moments after the metal bar smacked me in the pelvis and jarred me back into myself. What was going on? Where was I? Why wasn't the bar turning? Oh, right, the subway isn't free. Dumbass.

I also completely lost track of where I was while on the first leg of my subway journey. Fortunately what felt like several hours was only 2 stops, and I did not end up in Queens.

In light of such an inauspicious start to the day, however, I find myself in a remarkably cheery mood.

First and foremost, as of 4:15 yesterday afternoon, The Research Project From Hell is officially out of my hands and into my professor's! Or, at least, into his mailbox. The only massive project that remains for this semester is all hands-on, artsy craftsy stuff. And while there is quite a good bit of it to do, it never quite feels like work

Also, I stepped out a few minutes ago to drop 300 or so envelopes into local mailboxes and there were flurries! Flurries, people!

I love flurries, because they incite all the giddy, childlike excitement of snow, without turning the sidewalks into a treacherous war zone, or lying in the gutters turning to frosty black slush.

And now, a question (because really, my brain is ALL over the place today): does that KFC commercial with the blonde mom checking off items on a mile long list make anyone else feel incredibly stressed out? Every time I see it my whole body tenses up and I get super-edgy. What's up with that?

Oh, and just for the record: SciFi Channel miniseries "Tin Man"? Oh-so-freaking-awesome. As far as mini-series go anyway. Check it out.

Right, that's it.

Wheee.

Bright Copper Kettles and Warm Woolen Mittens...

It's a slow day at the office and I'm feeling quite "meh" about my job today. Not that I ever love it, per se, but I'm trucking along slightly less cheerfully than usual.

For the moment, however, there are no bosses in sight and so I thought I'd brighten my mood by following in the footsteps of several other recent bloggers and sharing a list (in no particular order) of things that I love:

1. Meatloaf
With lots of ketchup. Maybe not always, but this week for certain, I am in love with meatloaf. And it's a damned good thing, because the one I made on Sunday was 1.5 lbs and is nowhere near finished.

2. Fall
Thank you, thank you, thank you, oh favourite season of mine, for finally choosing to show your face. More than anything else, the first few days of Fall make me want to play hooky from work and go sit in the park with a cup of coffee and enjoy the fresh crispness of the air. Soon the cider sellers at Greenmarket will start selling hot cider instead of cold and the universe will truly be a place of bliss. Speaking of which...

3. Greenmarket
The Union Square farmers' market always gives me a little taste of life back in the sticks. I don't miss living in the middle of nowhere, but I do miss the produce! I love strolling through the market (particularly on weekday afternoons when it's not jam-packed with humanity) and checking out all the veggies and plants for sale. Bonus: Now that Fall is here they have PUMPKINS! Can you say Jack-o-lanterns?!

4. Brooklyn
This could easily branch into a subcategory all its own. I love that some woman I'd never met before shouted my name and came down from her stoop to introduce herself the other night--clearly word travels fast in my new neighborhood. I love that almost every morning at exactly 7:30 a car pulls up outside my window, idles while blasting classic 60s Motown for about 2 minutes, then drives away. I love the sidewalk jesus character talking to the sky outside the liquor store. I love the brownstones and the kids playing football in the street and the fact that they call me "Miss." I love the man who was walking down the street singing soul tunes late at night last weekend. I love you Brooklyn, you are fabulous.

5. Street Critters
If you live in New York City, you are going to encounter rats. There's no two-ways about it, so you'd might as well make friends. I'm not talking about feeding them or inviting them into your home (though my cat could use the exercise), but I say "hi" to mis ratones when I see them scurrying by. And who doesn't love street kitties (other than the rats of course)? Last night I saw a street cat stalking a rat that was at least half its size... I wasn't sure who to root for, but in the end I settled on the cat. They are, after all, in the minority.

6. Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Latte
My winter beverage of choice when I need a quick pick-me-up. It's like drinking a hot, caffienated Christmas cookie. Can you think of anything better? I can't.

7. When There's a Line for the Men's Room, and Not the Ladies'
It's a rare occurence to be certain, but always endows me with a certain sense of smug satisfaction.

8. Re-visiting Books I Loved as a Child
For a class assignment I was paging through Amazon.com's "Teen" section, sorted according to sales, and there at the top of the list I saw them: A Wrinkle In Time, Where the Red Fern Grows, Island of the Blue Dolphins. And some I'd forgotten until I saw the titles, The Dark is Rising series, Number the Stars, From the Misplaced Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler (who *doesn't* want to run away and hide in the Met?!?). I've always loved reading and it's clear now why: how could I not love it when the books I was reading were so undeniably awesome?

9. Thunderstorms
Love love LOVE them. Particularly when I don't have to leave the house.

10. Llamas
Honestly, it borders on obsession. If you take me to a petting zoo that has one, I will never want to leave. Some day I will have a pet llama, even if I never leave New York City. They're easy to housebreak, did you know that? And they're mountain animals so they'd be fine with the trek in and out of my walk-up apartment. Do you think NYC leash laws apply to camelids?

11. My Great Grandmother's Painting
I remember going to clean out her house when she went to the nursing home so my grandmother could rent it out. She had started painting late in life, and my mom and her sisters were all going through the paintings, choosing which ones they would take. I was so excited when my mom said I could have one, and at the time my favourite colour was purple so I picked out a pretty one with purple flowers. My mother said "no, this one" and picked out what I thought was the ugliest yellow and brown flower I'd ever seen. I yelled and pouted, and practically threw a fit when she hung it in my room when we got home. It stayed there for years and as time wore on and I grew older I slowly grew to love that painting, and when I moved out it came with me. It has become one of my most prized possessions, even more so because I didn't appreciate it at all in the beginning.

12. Shakespeare
I know it's cliche to say you love Shakespeare, but really, I do. How can you not love the man who coined the phrase "We are such stuff as dreams are made of, and our little life is rounded by a sleep?" Come on...

13. Having a Job
Not necessarily this job, but the fact that I have benefits and vacation days is pretty sweet. I spent a month or so unemployed at the beginning of this year and it was not a fun time. This may not be my dream job, but with age comes wisdom... and an appreciation for security.


So there are 13 things--among hundreds--that I love. I like to take stock of the things in life that give me joy. It reminds me that, no matter how bad a single day--or week, month, or year--may be going, there is still joy to be found in the world. I just have to get off my lazy ass and look for it!

After all, Man is a Carnivore by Nature....

The Standoff


The Thrill of Victory


The Agony of Defeat



(Clearly, I should not be left alone with the digital camera)

Why are all the layouts on Blogspot so lame?

Or perhaps a wiser question would be... why am I too lazy to just make my own?

Once upon a time I actually knew some HTML.

Like in college.

God that was so long ago.

Anyway, hi. My initial intention for this blog was to join the ranks of all the knit-bloggers out there and share my handiwork with the world. Then I realized that I really wasn't committed enough to devote the time necessary, and anyway I've been so busy lately, what with avoiding my miserable roommates, looking for a new apartment, and panicking about the impending start of grad school, that the knitting has more or less fallen by the wayside.

I do, however, have a boring job that offers very little to do. Might as well do something productive (???) with my time... right?

Right.

Or at least that's the line I'm taking.