Saturday, November 10, 2007

The End

Why do I even fucking bother?





and yet I poured my heart out anyway.

And then I cried on both the A and the G trains--something I swore I'd never do... yet I couldn't stop the tears from dripping down my cheeks.

And he tells me it's complicated, and he's glad we met and he hopes I won't stop speaking to him. And I tell him of course I won't, I'm not that kind of girl.

And I ask if he's heard the questions I've heard... are we dating?

He hasn't.

And he hugs me goodbye and I keep it together until he's out of eyesight.

And I cry the whole way home.

And I'm crying now.

What the fuck? Why do I bother giving a shit about any man when no man gives a shit about me?

I'm not looking for a husband, or kids.. all I want is someone to curl up next to and go to sleep... Is that really so much to ask??

Apparently it is, because the universe has been denying me for so long. Every man wants to either be my friend and/or sleep with me, but none of them actually want to care about me.

And I hate myself for even considering that maybe this time I had a chance. History should have taught me better.

Apparently I'm a fucking masochist... but I guess that's just what I am.

Seriously... will this shit never end?


OC said...

Oh Frog! I am so sorry. I know it doesn't help right now, but I've been there. Heck, I could be there right now for all I know. I know how much it sucks to think maybe you've found someone worth giving a chance to and then having it crushed. I know how much it sucks to just want someone to care for - and have them care for you as well... and all you get are platonic or purely sexual relationships.

I'm sending you a virtual hug. :(

Princess of the Universe said...

Oh sweetie I'm so sorry. That's really crappy. *BIG HUG*

distracted spunk said...

Crap. The ass. Though I will say, from experience, I have learned that things like that don't always just disappear overnight. If he and his girlfriend are having problems, chances are they're on their way out. Not saying you should wait around for him. But at least get a feel for what's going on there. And one day, the pendulum will swing back your way. It always does.

Samantha said...

OMG!!! I am so sorry to hear that sweetie! I have totally been there. I don't get why guys don't ever feel the need to drop that they have a girlfriend? He should deinitely have dropped that in there somewhere before and that sucks that he didn't. You are not a masochist, you are someone that has hope and feelings and passion and imagination and don't ever give that up just because a guy doesn't see that right now....Big {{{hugs}}} to you sweetie...You will get through this...

Princess Pointful said...

Damn it.
I don't even care-- that bastard was leading you on. For you two to be hanging out that much, yet for him to never even mention her? Feels a little deliberate to me.
I'm so sorry, sweetie. He is a fool.