Tuesday, November 20, 2007

This is all my current attention span is capable of...

Dear Grad School,
I would like my soul back please. Please return in the enclosed self-addressed, stamped envelope at your earliest convenience.
The Frog Princess

Dear Fellow Shoppers in the Clearance section of DSW Last Friday,
You can wait! Yes, I understand that it is of dire importance that you check the price tag on those off-season Steve Madden espadrilles RIGHT THIS MINUTE, but elbowing me out of the way while I stand precariously balanced on one foot, trying to zip up my boot? Not cool. Calm the fuck down, it's not like you're going to buy them anyway.
All the Best,

Dear Lady Screaming Obscenities at her Toddler in the Subway Station,
You make my soul hurt. People like you should not be allowed to procreate. Please, for the love of all that is sacred, shut the fuck up and find a way to release your anger that will not result in yet another adult who thinks children are proper substitutes for punching bags (emotional or otherwise).

Dear Body,
I offer you nothing but thanks for the stoic way in which you handled the myriad foreign bodies injected into you last Thursday. Do not, however, think that your current behavior has gone unnoticed. I was fully aware this morning, for example, of your desire to develop a head cold, potentially with a sore throat to accompany it. Let it be known that this behavior is entirely unacceptable. At least until the semester is over.
I appreciate your cooperation on this matter.

Dear B,
While on one hand I am grateful that everything has returned to business as usual between us after my little outpouring, on the other hand it has left me even more unsettled. Sure, it would suck if you were awkwardly avoiding me (as would all the questions from the general public that would certainly ensue), but goddamnit, sometimes when you smile at me it's like being kicked in the chest. Why? Because it's the same smile that 2 weeks ago would have made me feel like skipping... and it still looks the same. Am I/was I completely deluded? Any clarification on the subject would be much appreciated.

Dear Universe,
Just once, could my personal life maybe not be complicated and confusing? That would be awesome.

Dear Family and Friends,
I will be seeing you oh-so-soon! Please excuse the glazed look in my eye, my inability to complete a sentence, and the random references to critical pedagogy. I promise, I'll be back to normal soon.
All my Love,


Hope said...

Haha! What a great post! And you're right some people should not be allowed to procreate.

Also, I finally got round to doing that meme!

Is anything new happening with B? I'm so gutted that he is got a girlfriend! Anywaaaay, have a great time with your family and friends!

Princess Pointful said...

Grad school is like Rumpelstiltskin. It will try really really hard to keep your soul (or your first born).

Lisa said...

Dear Frog Princess,
You're hilarious. I think you're amazing and may just have a teeny tiny blog crush on you.
Sadly, Painfully Straight,

nicoleantoinette said...

Haha- these letters (and your whole blog in general) are great and on point in a hilarious way. I'm applying to grad school right now and it's stealing enough of my soul. I don't want to think about what it's going to be like if I actually get in. *shudder*