Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I... have no idea what to call this one.

My brain is all over the place today.

This morning I left the apartment (late, as usual), got about halfway down the block, and realized I'd left something important at home.

Crap.

So I walked back down the block, up three flights of stairs, got what I'd forgotten, walked back down three flights of stairs, back down the block, and around the corner.

I got all the way to the subway, through the turnstile, and was about to go down the stairs when I realized... that when I'd gone back to the apartment, I'd left my purse there.

Motherf***er.

So back I go. Calling work on the way to tell them that maybe I'm gonna be a leeeetle bit late. Or later than usual. Whatever.

So yes, I'm a mess today. Thankfully the office holiday party starts in half an hour and I will not be required to use my brain any more for the rest of the day.

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For no discernable reason, I got a record number of hits on Monday! A whopping fourty-two! Now, I know that for all you bloggers who get hits in the hundreds that may not seem like a lot, but for those of us who generally hover in the low to mid 20s? Kindofabigdeal.

*sniffs* You like me... you really like me!

I really can't explain why I feel the compulsion to imitate Sally Field's 1985 Oscar acceptance speech every time the opportunity presents itself. Let's just call it a charming personality quirk and move on, m'kay?

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So anyway, what I actually intended to blog about when I logged on here...

I think I'm over it.

B, that is.

It started on Monday after our final crit. Unbeknownst to me until we emerged from the stairwell, The Girlfriend was meeting him to deliver Christmas presents she'd bought for his family. So I waited patiently (we had come up to smoke and I was in need of his lighter) and somewhat awkwardly while she delinated each and every toy in the doggy stocking. But something sorta clicked in that moment. I can't really explain what it was, but something shifted.

We went out for a drink last night after another school function. Slater was supposed to join us but due to unforseen circumstances had to leave. B and I agreed to a strict "just one drink" policy, as he still had to pack (he left for the holidays today), and I wanted to get back to Brooklyn before my shitty train was replaced by an even shittier shuttle bus for the evening.

So we went to the same bar we went to that first time. No, not the Froggy's-drunken-confessional time, the time before. I am totally in love with that bar and feel the need to go there more often, as does he. Anyway, we sat and had our one beer, and for once I wasn't feeling conflicted or frustrated or like I wanted to jump him right there on the spot.

We walked to the subway, shared a hug (which has only ever happened, like, twice before. Once after the confessional, and once after Slater's party), and went our seperate ways.

I didn't walk away giddy, like I used to. But I also didn't walk away stewing in my own frustration.

I just... walked.

Hey, it's a start.

8 comments:

Stephanie said...

Glad to hear that things are moving on in the B department. Maybe the holiday break will be enough to end your feelings once and for all. Also, of course we like you!

distractedspunk said...

Hooray for blog hits! My blog is leaping up there too, for no explicable reason.

As for B - I'm glad. It's a strange feeling, isn't in, when suddenly the powers shift and when you've felt out of control, suddenly, you have it. It's how I knew it was over with GDB - because I didn't feel so powerless anymore. So. I'm happy for you. And to bigger, better, brighter, single, and more loving in the future.

Jess said...

I'm glad that you're feeling better about B, even though I just found your blog so I missed the back story. Also, I'm glad you finally made it to work with everything you needed, even if you were a bit late.

Have fun at the office holiday party!

Princess Extraordinaire said...

Congrats on the blog hits - doesn't it feel like you're a part of this new and exciting little clique? I know..sick..but true!

Princess Pointful said...

It is a start... and a pretty substantial one, especially considering last week!

ana said...

yay for getting over B, yes it is a start...and it will only get better.

Lisa said...

Congratulations on breaking forty-two! It is a lot. Forty-two people are reading you, and that's awesome. It's just going to get better and better. And I totally do the Sally speech every chance I get, too.

Hope said...

Forty two is a huge deal! I still remember when I would get like 5 hits a day soooo YAY for you!

It IS start. And I know what you mean about 'The Click'. Sometimes, I wish I could make the click happen all on its own, but it never works that way, does it?