I Finally Did It

Last night I realized that part of the reason I've been having trouble sleeping since I got back, is that I lay in bed at night thinking of all the things I want to say to CFL and have not yet said.  So this morning I finally buckled down and responded to her email.

And of course, being the frog that I am, I now feel the need to share the correspondance with you.

First, her email...

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Froggy,

I just wanted to send u a quick email in regards to everything in brooklyn. First and foremost i wanted to apologize....I had some severe family issues that occurred recently that kinda sent me into turmoil. I dont know how or why i dealt with everything the way that i did, but i did. We all grieve in different
ways...and while no excuse for my actions or behavior, I guess u could say I was having more than a difficult time dealing with it all. I wont really get into it too much, but it was 1 very serious circumstance after another...my very close cousin just got diagnosed with breast cancer (that has already spread), while my grandfather got dimensia, and my grandmother sent to the hospital. My brother got mugged, and my best friend in the world went off to the military. On top of that, some other personal family issues that u would rather not here aboutl I came back to Florida now so that I could be there with my mother to help take care of things and to be there to give my love and support to my family when they needed it the most.

I am not sending u this email to ask for pity or even empathy, but instead to hope that you can at least
attempt to understand somewhere in your heart of hearts why I kinda went off the deepend for a few weeks. It is not in my nature to handle bad situations the way that i did, but i guess this time, that was the case. I truly apologize from the bottom of my heart for any inconvenience I couldve caused. Being home has brought me back to the level of calm that I have so very much missed. I was only slated to stay a couple months anyways so it was time to go. But I truly hope your trip was beyond amazing and that all
in your life goes beautifully from here on out. Thanks for listening. You do not need to email me back, but I just felt it was important for me to express my situation and for you to know that I genuinely feel
deep remorse. That is all...have a good one.

-CFL
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CFL,

I have been holding off on responding to this email until I was a bit calmer, but there are a few things that I feel need to be said.  Though now that I am attempting to do so, I am not certain I can manage without completely blowing a gasket.  However, I will try.

First of all, I wonder if you truly grasp the repercussions or expanse of your actions.  You were found wandering, half naked and incoherent, on the street--and rescued by my landlord who subsequently missed a day of work.  You were wandering on fire escapes banging on windows while your friends were in my apartment, apparently ignoring you.  You caused a great enough disturbance that the neighbors actually called the police.  The cops have now been in my apartment thanks you to, and according to one of the neighbors, our house is now "famous" on the block because of your behavior.

Everything you said or did while living in my home was a reflection on me in the eyes of this neighborhood, and clearly you did not reflect well.  I still don't know the extent of the damage to my relationship with my landlords thanks to your actions and the disturbance you brought into their lives.

I came home to a house that was filthier than I thought possible.  I couldn't walk barefoot in my own home because I was disgusted by the dirt sticking to the bottoms of my feet--and then my flip-flops stuck to the kitchen floor.  The living room rug was actually grey from dust and dirt.  My comforter had been taken out of storage (in August? why?) and left in a cat-hair-covered heap on the dining room floor.  It had to be thrown away.  The first time I went to take a shower, I discovered that while all of the towels were in the cabinet, they were all dirty, and at least one of them crusted with what looked suspiciously like vomit.  You somehow managed to triple my electric bill for the month of August, raising it by over $100, and the $40 left in the liquor cabinet covers perhaps a third of what was consumed.

As if all of this weren't bad enough... there is the matter of Gracie.  The entire reason I was looking for a subletter in the first place was to take care of my cat.  It was the most detailed clause in the sublet agreement and the main reason I chose you was because you two seemed to connect when you came to see the apartment.  Imagine my shock, then, when I receive an email from the landlords detailing your behavior and stating that she was not being properly taken care of.  My friend who came to feed her once you were gone stated that the litter box apparently had not been cleaned once--which he corroborated with photos before cleaning it himself.  All of the dry food was gone, but over half of the wet food remained, which indicates she was not being fed properly.  And when I returned home, her fur was in such a state, so filthy and so matted, that I had to go out and buy a pair of clippers and shave her.  Yes.  SHAVE MY CAT.  Gracie has been with me for 14 years and never once in that time has her coat even come close to the state that it was in upon my return.  I cannot even imagine the circumstances, the level of neglect, that could cause that to happen.  Your primary responsibility--the reason that I did not charge you the full rent and continued to pay the utilities myself, a priviledge which you abused--was to care for Gracie.  Clearly, this duty was not performed.

The empathetic side of my personality is sorry for your personal troubles.  However, taken as a whole, the above does not indicate to me someone who temporarily made a few bad judgment calls in a moment of crisis.  The facts that my landlords' intial email reported that you had a "serious substance abuse problem" that was causing you to "act out in dangerous and disturbing ways," and according to the neighbors you could be sweet and friendly--the girl that I met--one minute, and completely crazy a few minutes later, all indicate a much larger problem here.  In my experience, it takes a liver with an awful lot of practice to drink oneself to a state where one can behave the way you did without simply falling asleep.  Everything I have heard--and I have not yet received a complete retelling of all that occurred in my absence--indicates a much larger issue at work here.

I believe that you are sorry.  But I do not believe that you understand the extent of the havoc you wreaked on my life, and on the lives of my neighbors, and therefore do not realize all that you have to be sorry for.  You showed no respect for me, my property, or my neighborhood, and least of all for yourself.

Further apology and/or justification is not required.  I just thought you should know.

-F-
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So there it is.  I hope to god she doesn't respond... unless it's to send me a cheque for the freaking electric bill.