Monday, November 10, 2008


I... am annoyed.

This is actually a significant downgrade from a few hours ago when I was thoroughly pissed-off, composing ranty blog posts in my head on the subway, and just generally in need of a juice box.

Or, you know, a fifth of gin. Whatever.

So clearly I've calmed down a bit, but the bottom line is: I am... displeased.

You see, in the last month I have heard nary a peep out of Slater, other than an invitation to attend his Master's Thesis presentation, which I had promised to attend ages ago, before he fell off the radar and essentially friend-dumped me by failing to return phone calls or text messages, and responding to lengthy emails with emotionless 2 line messages.

But, being the good friend that I am, I said I would go.

And dutifully this evening, I cut short a meeting that really could have stood to last longer and not feel so rushed, to hop in a taxi and race up to campus.

I arrived promptly at 7:00 for an event described in the invite as starting at 7:00ish... and promptly walked in on a class being held in the room I was told to go to.


I both texted and called Slater, as well as texting another friend who I thought might have been invited. I received no responses. I would have texted others, but I didn't have any phone numbers.

I went back downstairs to the lobby where there are computer terminals and checked all of my email accounts to see if there’d been an email about a change. There hadn't.

I waited around outside to see if I’d run into anyone on their way in. I didn't.

I went back upstairs to see if there was a note on the door to the classroom that I’d missed. There wasn't.

I walked over to the building where most of our department can generally be found lurking in the lounge between classes to see if there was anyone who might know what was going on. There was a meeting in the lounge, and thus, there wasn't.

I went back to the original building and checked the junk mail folders of my email accounts in case an update had accidentally been filtered there. It hadn't.

I waited outside some more where I ran into my professor from the Uganda course who said I could go ask at the 7th floor office and they could tell me what room was being used. I went to the 7th floor and asked, but they could find no reservation including either Slater's name or the topic of his thesis. Help me? They couldn't.

At this point, I had spent half an hour running around, trying my damnedest to attend the thesis presentation of an individual who hadn't even seen fit to return my freaking phone calls for over a month, and I bloody couldn't.

So I sent him a text saying I'd tried and failed and was going home.

When I got home I emailed him a detailed list of my efforts, similar to the above (though of a decidedly more neutral tone).

Shortly after 9:00, I received the following text message:

"We had to relocate for that reason [the class, ed.]. I am so sorry you waited that long, i should have put up a sign but i was so tense i forgot to."

I texted back and asked at what time they had relocated, seeing as I arrived on time myself... and I never got a response. To that, or to my email.

Over a month of radio silence and disbelieving looks when people ask me "How's Slater?" and I tell them I have no idea; half an hour of running around like a lunatic trying to find a way to see his freaking thesis because that's just the kind of friend I am; two texts, a phone call, and an email...

And that's all I got.

A two line text message.

Is it wrong of me to say that it's not enough?


Belle said...

*makes slater voodoo dolls and sticks pins in his bits*

very annoying.
avoidavoidavoid forever and ever or until he buys you jewellery. lol.

sequined said...

That's ridiculous! You're totally entitled to be pissed, and the ball is 100% in his court to get in touch with you and work this out.

EcK said...

Well, people tend to think they are entitled to get love and respect, we live in the real world people, wakie wakie. Keeping it up when he obviously doesnt care is just kinda obsessive

Deutlich said...

Not only was that not enough, but you should officially nix him from your "friends list"

he's a jerk. and you shouldn't try so hard. you shouldn't have to.

the frog princess said...

I appreciate that you've all got my back, but I can't just *cut out* a best friend without at least giving him an opportunity to explain and atone for his fuckitude.

I am, after all, the girl who let her Evil Ex Roommate walk all over her for well over a year before severing ties completely.

And even that's not complete, really, since we're speaking again, due to continually seeing each other at social functions. And she just popped out a baby today, so I can't really be mean to someone who's just been through childbirth.

amy said...

I understand your frustration. I really, really do. As I am in the exact same situation with a friend. (You know.) It sucks and it hurts. I'm sorry.

All I can say, is from my experience, time makes it better. In the sense that after awhile you learn to live without that friend. And you realize your life is awesome (with or without that person) and you just don't care anymore. You've moved on. It's no different than a break up.

Because, what else can you do? You can't force him to be friends with you, to hang out ... You can't force him to write more than a two line text ... Or return calls. And, really, it's not worth it; wasting so much of your time trying. Or caring. Or hurting.

You've got good friends, girl. Focus on those ones!

(And you never know--he may come around ... Just look at you and Evil Ex Roommate! There's hope for the future afterall.)

EcK said...

it's not about being mean to people.
If you invest more than people invest in you, you end up wasting ur time, time you could spend enjoying your life.
There's no reason why you always should be the one doing the extra mile( I never do, and see, I'm happy).

Ever met that 'i dont give a shit' guy and 've been waaay more attracted to him than to that wierd needy guy calling you every 10 minutes, "who's just so sweet but you just see him as a friend"?

Well, take a deep breath and figure out which one of those archetypes you're leaning toward right now.

When there's no equilibrium in a relationship, the more you invest the less people will call you back and so on. The more you give, the less you get.
Nobody wants what's just laying here for the taking.

anyway. here's some (very )dumbed down social psychology for ya.

Princess of the Universe said...

OK, I'm going to play devil's advocate here.
Has he been responding to anyone's emails/texts/calls?
Perhaps he was just freaking out about his Master's thesis and has been a jerk for a month or so.

If he keeps it up though...well that's a different story...


Princess Pointful said...

Yeah... that is pretty cold, especially after how close you were for a while.
However, I have been known to engage in some masters related insanity in the past.
If he had any celebration and didn't invite you, however, that is the end of story, in my book.