OSCARS!!

I considered live-blogging the Oscars... as in, sitting on my couch with my laptop and writing tidbits as the show went on and then posting the whole thing after, not inundating you and your readers with a new post every thirty seconds. I'm not that self-obsessed.

Either way, I decided that it would be too much of a distraction from the event itself--also I may or may not have feared spilling a Cosmo across my keyboard--and so I decided to hold off until it was all over.

Honestly, I probably should have taken notes instead of just shouting random comments into the ether for my cat (and possibly the neighbors) to hear, but I didn't. Again, too much of a distraction.

You see... as an actor, the Oscars are kind of emotional for me, because as I watch, I can't help but imagine for myself what it must be like to be in the shoes of each of those extraordinary people accepting an award. Ever since I was little, it's always been that way, even before I'd figured out that this was what I wanted to do with my life (which I did at the age of nine, early bloomer that I was). And with tonight's new format for the acting awards, having five different past winners presenting? God DAMN! No wonder Anne Hathaway was near tears having her nomination announced by non other than fucking Shirley MacLaine... I teared up just watching!

And dear god, to be one of the Best Actor nominees... Ben Kingsley, Anthony Hopkins, Robert DeNiro, Michael Douglas, and Adrien Brody?? On the same stage, at the same time, to honor... me? Yes, it will never happen because I don't have a penis, but when I saw that line-up I nearly passed out on my couch.

I won't lie... there are some awards I disagree with. I think Wall-E should have taken at least one of the Sound-related awards, and while Slumdog was great it dominated in categories it maybe shouldn't have, and hey... since this is an election I can't vote it, I reserve the right to bitch about the results :)

My biggest beef though, honestly, is... mother-frikkin' Beyonce.

For fuck sake I am so fucking sick of her.

And that tribute to the movie musical would have been a million times better if they'd found someone who could actually DANCE! Seriously!! I'd hate to be a cameraman on one of her music videos because they must film for frikkin' weeks! Girlfriend clomped down those steps like she was wearing combat boots... And then the adorable Amanda Seyfreid from "Mama Mia" got to sing for all of three seconds before Sasha Fierce dove in over her. I would have gotten much more out of Hugh Jackman (LOVE!!) singing songs from West Side Story if they'd had a female who could actually sing the vocals opposite... though kudos to the producers for not letting Beyonce sing "Tonight" or I might have imploded from the travesty. Seriously, girlfriend (and the rest of the world) need to get the fuck OVER it. Ahem, okay, finished.

Other random thoughts from the evening (sorry, that last Cosmo is kicking in and I'm starting to space out) include:

Dear Myley Cyrus, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING??? Love, Froggy

Damn I want to work with Meryl Streep. I think the first movie I ever saw her in was "Death Becomes Her" with Goldie Hawn (another favourite). Must put that on my Netflix.

The "In Memoriam" sequence gets me every year... this year especially, losing Cyd Charisse and Paul Newman, two of my idols. But did I blink or was Heath Ledger missing from the reel??

Speaking of Heath, it must have sucked to be a Best Supporting Actor nominee this year, because everyone knew he would win... not that he didn't deserve it, because honestly, he did. The whole dying thing just sort of upped the ante. However, I can't help but wonder how Robert Downey Jr. would have felt if he'd won for "Tropic Thunder," but not for "Chaplin."

Couldn't stop clapping when Sean Penn won Best Actor. Even though I think Mickey Rourke is adorable in his busted-up lonliness, Sean Penn's performance was one of the most brilliant I've ever seen.

Cried when Kate Winslet finally won her Oscar. If I'd been her, even with having won all those other awards leading up to this one, I'd still be expecting to lose to Meryl. I'm sure she was. And she didn't. And that is awesome. And even awesomer if you've seen the first episode of "Extras" because Ricky Gervais was right!!

Holy Crap the woman who won for best Documentary Short had an amazing dress, definitely my favourite for the evening. Kate Winslet's comes in a close second.

If you haven't seen "Man on Wire," you should. It is amazing.

Ditto for "In Bruges," which absolutely should have won best screenplay (and Colin Farrel totally deserved that Golden Globe).

By the way, have I mentioned that I dearly, dearly love Hugh Jackman? Why hasn't he done a movie musical?

Dev Patel is the cutest thing ever! Every time the camera panned to him in the audience (generally when "Slumdog" was winning something) he had that same puppy-dog expression from when Jamal sees Latika in the train station.

Dear Seat Assigners, Putting Robert Pattinson diagonally behind Mickey Rourke was not nice! When the cameras were on Mickey during his Best Actor announcement, my eyes kept being drawn to Robert, who is a.) beautiful, and b.) seemingly devoid of personality. In the future, please place someone less visually stimulating behind him. Sam Mendes perhaps. Cheers, Froggy

I know there were more, but I'm a little frazzled, and there's some serious detritus in my kitchen that needs to be cleaned up so I must reserve my energy.

Happy Oscar Night to all! Please, feel free to leave your opinions on my opinions--or, you know, the awards themselves--in the comments! :)