Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Really Universe? REALLY??






Irate. Upset. Apoplectic.

The word Homicidal comes to mind.

I just got a call from the egg donation clinic. The results of my pap are back and I have motherfucking HPV... again.

I had it for four years. I had lots and lots of sections of my cervix painfully removed in a process called a colposcopy. It finally went away and I've been clean for the past 2 years. And now, one of the two men I've slept with since my last exam (neither of whom rated above "average" in the sack) has given me the gift that keeps on giving... in the form of painful and expensive testing, and even more delays in the donation process which now pretty much DEFINITELY won't be happening until after camp, even though I really need that fucking money NOW because my job sucks and we're barely scraping out $100 a day in tips after working 14 hour days, and we're not even getting that money until our paychecks which means it will really be about $75 after taxes which is way less than I was making sitting around on my ass on unemployment and REMIND ME WHY THE FUCK I WENT AND GOT A JOB AGAIN BECAUSE REALLY IT'S NOT SEEMING LIKE SUCH A GREAT IDEA RIGHT ABOUT NOW?!??

So now I get to spend tomorrow--my one day off this week that won't be spent in a cloud of exhaustion--going down to the Egg Donation clinic to sign a release for my charts, then going to the sliding scale clinic they recommend and signing up for a card, then going to their gyno department to make an appointment for the colpo (so I can spend another day off getting chunks removed from my cervix as opposed to doing something I'll enjoy).

And since there is no HPV test for men--apparently, we are the only ones who get to suffer--I don't even get the pleasure of calling The Contender and saying "Go get tested, Asshole!"

I would really REALLY like some good news right about now.


Jess said...

Oh man. This sucks so much. I'm so sorry. I hope that this will be quicker and easier to deal with than last time. My fingers are crossed for you!

Bridget said...

Oh love. I feel your pain to the core.

I e-mailed the one who gave me the gift that keeps giving and told him about it. Maybe next time he'll think before cheating on his fiance. Ass.

Anyway, I am really sorry. Really, really sorry. The minute I find good news, I will let you know.

In the mean time, I'll send thoughts of good bottles of wine and cupcakes your way...

Brian said...

Well, the good news is that North Korea hasn't launched any nuclear missles...yet.

Anonymous said...

Hey there, girl! I hear you!! I didn't have HPV again for 15 years (I just found out I had it again in March)...apparently it can stay in your system and then come back without anyone having cheated! AMAZING!! Mine came back so "bad" that I had to have the LEEP procedure done....can you say 3 weeks of discharge and bleeding? Messy! I certainly feel for you! Let me add that I have been married for 25 years and have two grown kids!! Did you also know that about 6 years or so ago they called this "displasia" (cervical cells that looked pre-cancerous...) and just scraped them off and your life went on...pretty much...UNTIL someone noticed that NUNS never get "displasia" or cervical cancer for that matter...go figure! This is all from my OB....anyway I wanted to share that you are not alone....and it is good that they found it and maybe early DO NOT want cervical cancer!!

BTW...The egg donation are doing an AWESOME thing for someone who can't have a family without YOUR help...I know you are looking at the money issues...but even so...its just a good thing...and you will be repaid in other ways...not just in will see great things start to happen...just open your mind....