The Pitfalls of Technology...

Alternatively Titled: Yet Another Chapter In The Never-Ending Saga Of Why I Hate UPS

This afternoon I had a revelation: I miss the days before online-package-tracking became available.

Oh sure, the first time I was able to gleefully refresh that page every few hours and watch my parcel slowly make its way across the nation, it was exciting...

"Look! It's in Kansas City!"

"Ooooh! Newark! That means it's getting close!"

"Maspeth! YES!! It will be here tomorrow!!"

"'Out For Delivery.' Hmmm... I wonder how much longer I'll have to sit around the house waiting..."

"Still not here..."

"Damnit, we're out of toilet paper. The deli is only a few blocks away, I can totally make it... I would even be able to see the truck and run for it if necessary..."

"What? Attempted Delivery Notice? FUCK!!!"

And thus it began... and over the years, UPS and I? Have become mortal enemies.

Fucking Mortal.

I'm not sure how it works in the rest of the country, but here in New York City? It is blatantly obvious that the Boys in Brown could give a rat's ass about customer service.

And honestly? Why should they?

We are city held hostage by the fact that their distribution centers are so incredibly inconveniently located that unless we have access to a car, we have no choice but to wait for them to come to us. And with a large number of companies that ONLY offer UPS as a shipping option, I have been forced to continue this dance of damnation, while they continue to collect my shipping dollars and provide very little in return.

Much like my last foray into UPS-land, where I was informed that "Out For Delivery" does not, in fact, mean that the package is on its way to my abode, and that all those other results were the work of some sort of package-tracking poltergeist, last night I attempted to track a package only to be told that no information was available. After speaking with both UPS and the shipper, I was told to wait and check back this morning.

So I did, and rejoice! It is scheduled to be delivered today!! I thanked my lucky stars that I went and bought myself a doorbell yesterday, and settled in to do some reading, listening intently for any sound of a truck outside, and dutifully running to the window at every rumble, like a Rottweiler waiting for the mailman.

Shortly after 11:00am, I wandered to the window at the sound of a gate opening. Not wanting to put even the most asinine behavior past UPS, I wanted to make sure he wasn't trying to deliver to the basement, as opposed to my front door--which is up a flight of steps, just like every other brownstone on my block.

Lo and behold! There was a UPS truck three doors down! And right before my eyes I watched the driver exit someone else's basement/garden entrance, climb into his truck, and depart.

"Well that's stupid. Why would they send some guy three doors down from me, and not send my package on the same truck? With soaring fuel prices, you'd think they would manage things a bit better... Unless, wait. Did he already stop at my door? Did he not ring my doorbell?? FUCK!"

I ran downstairs and there was no Attempted Delivery notice, so I optimistically decided to chalk it up to poor planning and head upstairs to wait for my truck.

That was 6 hours ago, and despite countless sprints to the window--one of which occurred during the writing of this post, only to reveal a fucking FedEx truck across the street--and my package is still not here. Nor do I believe it will be coming.

Still no change to the tracking page, but the minute that "Delivery Attempted" message pops up, as I have no doubt it will--most likely for sometime around 11am--I am going to call Customer Service and have a fucking field day with whatever poor, unfortunate soul gets stuck with my call. This would not be the first time that a UPS driver claimed attempted delivery without ringing a doorbell or leaving a notice, but I will do my damnedest to make sure it is the last...

Even if that "Out for Delivery" doesn't mean what it says, the tracking gave today as the delivery date, damnit! STOP FUCKING WITH MY EMOTIONS YOU BROWN-UNIFORMED BASTARDS!!!