A Dear John Letter *

Dear Senator John McCain,

I got home late this evening and am still in the middle of watching this evening's debate on my trusty DVR, but there are a few pieces of advice that I simply cannot hold back any longer.

First, stop trying to make the former editor of the Harvard Law Review look stupid. It's not working, and it just makes you look petty. It would behoove you to remove the words "I don't think Senator Obama understands..." from your vocabulary. You look like a twit.

That goes double for the word "Maverick," and triple for repeatedly mentioning that you "didn't win Miss Congeniality" in the Senate. Just. Stop.

Now, I know that the self-satisfied smirk is the trademark expression of the Republican party, and it may have worked extremely well for George W. Bush in the last two elections; however, after 8 years it's gotten a little old, so how about wiping that grin off your overly-botoxed face and comporting yourself like an adult rather than a petulant child. You're, what? 72 years old? Fucking act like it.

Next, stop lying. Or, if you can't quit cold-turkey, perhaps stop purposely misinterpreting the facts. You know Obama is just going to call you out and once again you come off looking like a twit.

Particularly if you follow up with "I don't think Senator Obama understands..."

Cut spending to everything except the war and veteran's benefits? Don't even get me started on everything that's wrong with that idea.

And finally, I just have to ask... Ronald Reagan is the person you admire most in the world? Ronald Fucking Reagan?!?! The man was bat-shit crazy. You'd might as well have said Tom Cruise.

Well, the debate just ended, and so has my advice to you. I know I barely mentioned your thoughts on policy, so let me sum up my opinion on that front: THHHPPPPTT!!!!

Oh, and that tie? Hideous.

There, I think that about does it.

Regards,
The Frog Princess

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* Sooooo original, I know. I wonder how many other blog posts went up with that title today.