Ouch

My body... hurts.

Yesterday I went back to the gym for the first time since my travels. I've started a new one-month training regimen with the goal of being able to jog for 30 minutes by the end.

That may not sound like much, but I should explain that I? Do not run. Ever. Unless being chased by a sociopath with a chainsaw, and even then I would probably try reasoning with him first.

Running and I do not get along. Have never gotten along. I ran a mile once, in 8th grade, and nearly passed out when it was over. There was one freak incident in my aerobics class Senior year of high school where I managed to get on a treadmill and run for 20 minutes without passing out, but said experiment has never been replicated and therefore I can only conclude that the results were a fluke. A statistical outlier, if you will.

The workout program comes from Self Magazine. It was first published in 2006, but back then I belonged to a gym that I could only visit during peak hours, at which time you signed up for a strictly enforced half-hour time slot on all cardio equipment--and in the 2nd and 3rd week of this program there are a few workouts that go over that limit.

Now, however, I attend the gym during the slow daytime hours when normal people are at work or in school, and I can hog a treadmill for 45 minutes if necessary. So I figured... what the hell? Fortunately the program was still listed on their website.

Also when I finish my degree in December and no longer have access to the University gym (at least, not without paying for a membership), I may need a method of exercise that doesn't require equipment. And I'd feel like a loser power-walking around Bed Stuy.

Actually, if we're being honest, I'll feel like a loser jogging around Bed Stuy as well, but at least I'll be moving quickly so people will have less time to mock me.

And that... was a very long-winded explanation of why everything hurts. And I've only done the first cardio workout and one day of strength training.

I feel bad, a friend of mine that I haven't seen since Brazil just called to see if I want to go out tonight, and while I'd love to see her... all I really want to do is make dinner and curl up on my couch with the Sex and the City DVD, and Disc 1 of the first season of the original 90210, which both arrived from Netflix yesterday.

Which is precisely what I'm going to do.

Before I do that, however, I wanted to invite anyone out there who's feeling particularly squishy, or who--like me--exercises better when someone tells them what to do, but can't afford a personal trainer, to JOIN ME in this ridiculous quest! Come on... Misery not only loves company, it thrives on it!


The program is located here. I've only just started, and technically you can count your "week" starting on whatever day you damn well please. It's like birth control. So dig those dusty old running shoes out of the closet and come play!

It looks deceptively easy. We'll see if I'm singing the same tune come Week 4.