Monday, October 6, 2008

Joe Six-Pack, Meet Jane Boxed-Chardonnay

Well now that my fit of self-loathing has passed--which may or may not have something to do with the fact that the bathing suit looked far less wretched at home than it did in the dressing room, and I've now been swimming twice--I need to redirect that loathing elsewhere... and where better than the field of politics?

There is much I could say about the Vice-Presidential debate--like the fact that the next time either John McCain or Sarah Palin uses the word "Maverick" my ears are going to start bleeding, or Oh, she says "Hockey Moms" instead of "Soccer Moms" because she's from Alaska. Isn't that cute? (christ I can't believe people really fall for that shit)--but I think Tina Fey covered most of that on Saturday Night Live.

However, there is one buzzword from the current election--which I have only heard from the Republican side--which I find particularly disturbing, and that's "Joe Six-Pack."

Is is just me, or is it completely fucked up that the middle-class American male is apparently defined by his ability to drink?

The women, at least, get to be Hockey/Soccer/Whatever Moms. Granted, this assumes that every middle-class female has children, and that those children live in her home, and that she regularly ferries them to some sort of athletic activity which she enthusiastically supports... but that's a far sight more flattering than the assumption that every middle-class male likes to booze it up on a regular basis--with beer, none of that sissy wine shit. Then again, with the current state of the economy, it won't be long before the middle class can't afford wine, let alone hard liquor.... Viva la Schlitz! But I digress.

The point is: if we're calling the men Joe Six-Pack, it only seems equitable to called the women something like Jane Boxed-Chardonnay.

But Froggy, you're saying, what if I don't like Chardonnay? Too damned bad. I'm willing to bet there are some men out there who don't like beer. Hell, I'm sure there are plenty of recovering alcoholics among our middle-class who are just thrilled to be equated with a six-pack on a Friday night.

So my biggest question is... is this shit actually working? Are there men out there (other than Palin's immediate family and dubious soon-to-be-son-in-law) who hear "Joe Six-Pack" and feel... proud?

What frightens me the most is... I have a feeling the answer is "yes."

P.S. - Sorry to those of you with readers who received numerous reposts. Blogger/Firefox is fucking with me. (I swear, I did NOT type "Socker.")


W said...

From now on, I’d like to simply be known as Frankie Funnels

EcK said...

I kinda hate beer, tastes like shit compared to other alcohol based beveraged, and I'm kind of polish so I prefer vodka (u might say that polish people actually drink alot of beer but like I care)

By the way about that whole swimsuit stuff, I feel you there. I have a shitty metabolism, won't get into the boring details and other blood tests, the bottom line being that If i dont run about an hour a day on a regular (like, daily) basis I get fat around my waist, the very idea of fat disgusts me but being the 'I hate whiners' kind of guy i just shut the hell up and erm, run.

anyway, what doesn't kill u...
enjoy all the swimming.