Thursday, December 11, 2008

Asses and Elbows

I was very sorely tempted to post, in its entirety, the IM conversation I just had with the English Ex, but I didn't want your brains to simultaneously explode.

Let's just say that a conversation that begins with your ex boyfriend asking "Do you think my obsession with butt plugs is odd?" can only head in one direction.

My brain feels like mush, and I really need to get on track and work on Thesis. I think I can finish the bulk of it today before Grey's Anatomy if I can just crack down and get some work done, but my brain is just not in the proper gear and I have no idea how to get it there.

Maybe I need to bake something. That seems to be my solution for everything these days.

I am awash in various degrees of panic over various and sundry subjects. Most specifically: Thesis, the deplorable state of the economy, and my accordingly non-existent job prospects.

So far I've got two possibilities: Homeless Person and Lottery Winner, with the latter obviously being the more desirable of the two.

I'm also seriously considering egg donation, if they'll take a chick who used to smoke and did a lot of drugs in the late 90s.

Any other suggestions? My tits aren't big enough to be a stripper...


Bridget said...

My friend suggested I follow people around, attempting to get them fired, and then apply for their job.

He was kidding. :)

My options are similar to yours. Homeless person, lottery wife, maybe trophy wife, ummm... hooker? I'm also kidding.

I feel your pain. I really do. It will get better. That's what I keep telling myself.

Deutlich said...

Plasma donation will give you some $$ too.

Hope said...

What's a butt plug?

Also, perhaps you could consider selling your baked goods cause I've been wondering, do you eat all that you bake?

Also, shhhhh about Grey's. But tell Denny I say, "DUDE, YOU'RE DEAD."

Anonymous said...

A- "Butt plug" should probably not be followed 2 sentences later with "crack down."

B- Stripper might still be an option, as there are clubs that pay a premium for not having c-section scars.

Pumps said...


So@24 said...

I'm not gonna lie. I have absolutely NO idea what butt plugs are, but I'm already terrified.