Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Twitchy McTwitcherson

Last night in class, sometime around 6:30pm, my right eyebrow inexplicably began to twitch.

That was nearly 17 hours ago, and it still hasn't stopped! It is driving me CRAZY!!

My google search for "eyebrow twitch" turned up everything from stress (yeah, I got some o' that) to Tourrette's (ooooh! swearing with impunity!) to brain damage (errr... no, I got nothin'). I think it's just my body toying with me, as it is occassionally wont to do, but damn is it annoying!

Anybody else had this happen? Any suggestions as to how to make it go away? I tried staring it down in the mirror, but to no avail...

On a lighter note, thanks for the words of encouragement where Maybe Crush is concerned. Yesterday on my way to class I started inventing worst-case-scenarios in my head (he's gay, he has a heretofore unmentioned girlfriend, I declare myself and he looks at me like I'm nuts, etc), which is always a sign I've got it bad.

The fact that I dreamt about him the other night and it only garnered a PG-13 rating (as opposed to NC-17) is another sign. I am in serious trouble here.

Argh! I hate playing this stupid does-he-doesn't-he? game. Yet I can't bring myself to just come out and say something... First, there's that whole pesky overwhelming-fear-of-rejection thing; then there's the whole don't-want-to-scare-him-off thing.

Awhile back I was talking to an old friend from college and lamenting my perpetual singledom when he dropped this bombshell: "Well, you know, you are kind of intimidating."

What? All 5'2" of me? Intimidating? How the hell does that work?

He went on to explain that I come across as a strong, confident woman who knows what she wants (ha! if he could only read my blog...). And apparently that is scary.


So on one hand I would like to have more faith in Maybe Crush than that. I would like to think he wouldn't be frightened off by the direct approach.

But past experience indicates otherwise, and I don't want to risk it. Past experience has also indicated that I am not always adept at reading the signs, so he may not be interested in me at all...

And still more confusing, past experience also indicates that I am difficult to read, even when I think I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve. I was talking to The English Ex awhile back and made some sort of comment about how he totally trampled my heart when he left me. His response? "Really? I'm sorry, I didn't know, you always seemed so aloof about everything..."

So there you go. Even though I think I'm practically throwing myself at Maybe Crush, he really could be totally clueless!

Oh, what happened to the days where I could just send a friend over to say "Froggy likes you. Do you like her?" or write him a "Do you like me? Yes or No (circle one)" note? Really, relationships were so much simpler when we were 12.

I'm half-tempted to admit my crush to Slater and see what his take on the situation is. Gay men are generally perceptive about these things--at the very least he could alleviate (or--yikes!--confirm) the "he's gay" fear. But admitting my crush to someone who actually knows my crush is not a step I am yet willing (or desperate enough) to take.

I'm trying to convince myself to just go with the flow. Enjoy my little infatuation and see where, if anywhere, it may lead.

Anyone out there know exactly how I would go about doing that? It's virgin territory for me. I'm open to suggestions...


Princess Pointful said...

I intermittently and inexplicably get the eyebrow twitch thing! I still have no idea why, but when asking a few people, apparently it isn't uncommon.

It sounds, from my end, like you're putting out the right amount of vibes! I hate it, but you sometimes do need to play that stupid game and let the guy come to you. I wonder if maybe part of the difficulty in this is that you see him everyday, meaning you are always gonna have him on your mind, and that you are so busy at school you have no opportunity to get other crushes, so you are especially invested in him!

distracted spunk said...

Everything Princess Pointful said. *nods*.

Ashley said...

Ugh I completely know what you're going through. I am the same breed of woman that you are, I figure that if i am interested in someone then I should tell them instead of just playing games. But yeah i'm learning that you have to play the games and let them pursue because guys scare easily. I hate how we have to treat them like fragile birds.

And I agree completely with Princess Pointful.

libby said...

i wish i could give you more useful advice on this - but if you've been making it obvs you're into him and he's not taking the hint..i know i'd just get fed up! i agree with ash - try the games angle and see if it changes things!

OC said...

I am probably the last person qualified to leave advice, but I personally hate the games. I think games are ways to try to get the message across without coming out and saying it... and quite often that message doesn't come across the way you intended.

Like you, I've misread signals and I thought I was sending out neon signs and they were missed. I don't know the answer. I do, however, know how hard it is to see the crush every day. I say keep up the flirting, the vibes, the smoke breaks, the walks... and just be prepared if an opportunity to get a drink together or something comes up... take it!

And then blog about it :)