From the Mailbox...

Hey folks, new layout! Check out my crazy photoshop skills...

Anyhow, the following arrived in my inbox on Thursday, and I thought I'd share it with y'all. Ahem...


Hello!

Well, it's February again. A month for either thanking your lucky stars for your special someone or wondering which unlucky star you were born under to find yourself ordering take out, coffee table for one.

I'm the author of a new novel, [TITLE REMOVED, I am not an advertising service] (called fresh, fun, quirky, and hilarious!), a book I know your readers will be interested in—I’d be happy to send you a review copy if you like. And if you ever accept guest bloggers or conduct Q & As with authors, I'd love to offer some of my insight on love, life, and why you should never leave your love life in the hands of a ‘psychic.’

Have you ever wondered why if you visit a psychic for answers about your love life they always predict an attractive stranger in your future and never that they see you sitting home alone watching re-runs of the Amazing Race? My novel, [Damnit, I told you... NOT an advertising service!], just might have the answers.

It tells the story of Sophie, a girl who will do *anything* to have another chance with her ex-boyfriend. When she hears his new girlfriend loves the supernatural, she learns to fake psychic skills in order to give them a reading she knows will break them up. Romantic Times said in a review, “it’s destined to climb to the top of the best seller lists!”

To learn more, please check out my website at [hell no, I'm not listing your website on my blog!] for more information. Thanks for your time-hope to hear from you soon.

Eileen ______


Interesting, no? Since Eileen is clearly such a fan of my blog, I thought I'd take a moment to respond to her here. So...


Dear Eileen,

Hello! Yes, it is February indeed, and therefore I am spending every waking minute crying about the dreadful fact that I am... oh I can hardly say it... Single. That is, of course, when I'm not eating chocolate, watching The Notebook over and over and over, or hanging out in bars far beyond my price range trying to entangle a drunken stock broker in desperate hopes that he'll be THE ONE... how did you know?

I'm sure you are as fresh, fun, quirky, and hilarious as your book... according to whoever happens to be calling it that. I don't generally perform Q&A with Authors, nor do I invite people I've never met to write guest blogs and share their insights on love and life (which must be fascinating, considering your opinion of single women). However in your case, Eileen, I thought I'd make an exception. So here goes!

First off, how do you like my blog? I assume you've read it, since you seem to have such a keen grasp of what my readers would and would not be interested in. Incidentally you may be a bit off the mark with a plot that sounds like it was taken directly from the early days of 90210. Didn't Brenda do something similar to Dillon's new girlfriend? I can't quite recall. Regardless, I'd love to know what such an avid reader of my blog thinks of the place, being that you've never bothered to leave a comment or anything...

Or is it possible you just spammed every blogger on Blogspot with this email in a desperate hope that someone would actually take you up on your offer? And assuming someone did do such a thing, would you really want to market your book to the readers of such a--for lack of a better word--moronic individual? Of course you would, because clearly you are desperate for a few bucks or you wouldn't be doing this in the first place, would you?

Well Eileen, I think that's enough questions for one day. In closing, since you seem so keen to offer advice yourself, let me return the favor: It's your publisher's job to promote your book. Not mine. So go bitch to your agent and stay the hell out of my inbox.

Lovely chatting with you!

All the Best,
Froggy